It Doesn't Matter to Me

Recently, I've been applying for freelance writing positions.  Why? Writing has been something I've always wanted to do, something I've always remained very passionate about and something that I love to do.  I don't know why I changed my major from journalism to biology my freshman year in college.  And I don't know why I never pursued writing as a career.  But, I guess that leads me to where I am now.  I've been writing a lot lately and I've been seeking out freelance opportunities (paid and unpaid) to build my portfolio.  So know matter how far I get away from writing, something always brings me back.  Though, it's never really far from me. 

I applied for an opportunity and received a response back from an editor at an online magazine.  His response, "your writing is not good enough..........," I don't really remember much after the words "good enough."  Though stunned, I was a a little confused because as I remembered the online magazine, the writing wasn't that great to begin.  So compared to what I'd read on the website, I thought my writing was of better quality.  Not good enough.  Really?  What exactly do those words mean to me? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! 

At this point in my life, I am confident and faithful in my skills and my abilities to do whatever I put my mind to.  So when this editor tells me my writing isn't good enough, though at first taken aback, I brush it off and keep moving forward.  I could have easily associated them judging my writing as judging me as not good enough. I keep moving forward past the many jobs I apply and interview for and they chose someone else.  I could have easily associated the selection of someone else to mean that person is better than me.  Instead, I am thankful because that job wasn't for me and had it been given to me I would surely miss out on what God has waiting for me.  So as I move forward, I move past all the NOs I receive.  I move pass those troubles that in past have broken me down and torn me to pieces.  As I face those challenges, I stare them straight in the face and ready to take them on with a fight.  By know means will it be an easy fight.  Yes, I have those days when I can't seem to win, where I can't seem to get a break.  When I think things are bad, sometimes they get worse.  And just as I'm knocked down again, again and again and want to stay down, God picks me back up, dust me off and places me firmly where I need to be.

This hasn't been an easy journey and I know that when things get better, somewhere in my future,  another test awaits me.  Each time I get stronger.  But, each time I wish God had chosen someone else.  But each time, I thank God, because each time the test is shorter than the time before.  Shorter, because I've learned to be obedient.  I've learned to lean on (and stop questioning) God's will.  I've learned to humble myself to my struggle and I've learned to share my testimony with the next person.  I've learned that it's never about me.  It's about God's choice to use me to be a blessing to others.  I've learned to thank God and be grateful for those time when I'm told no. 

So when someone tells me "your writing is not enough" or "you don't have what we're looking for" or anything else that simply means NO, I throw it behind me and keep moving forward.  I know my worth so what someone else thinks doesn't matter to me.